How to ask for a date?

Getting started is the hardest.

People who speak English as a second language often ask about colloquial or typical prases for asking a person out for a date.  They want the general North American pattern of that conversation,  In the United States, males can ask and females can ask.

Warmup Question

“How are you?”

“How’s it going?”

Rationale: The answer tells whether to proceed forward.  Tone of voice and body language may indicate that the other person is going through a very hard time, say, an accident or death in the family. Such a circumstance is not a good time to ask for a date.

Ask about Schedule

“What are you doing tonight?”

“Do you have any plans on (day of the week)?”

Rationale:  If the person has another commitment or is exhausted, then regroup on your plan for when to do this date.

Mention Activity

“There’s this cool (activity idea) coming up.”

“I’ve been meaning to check out (activity idea)”

Rationale:  The appeal of the activity idea might be enough to persuade the other person that going out with you is a great idea!

Ask for agreement to date or activity

“Do you want to go out?”

“Do you want to (activity idea)?”

Rationale: Be direct and to the point even if feeling shy or uncertain about the other person’s answer.  If you are not, then the other person may not even know that she/he has been asked out.

Compliment

“You’re just fun to hang out with.”

“You’re just so interesting.”

Rationale:  Compliments help other persons know what is their appeal to you.

Advancing the idea or giving an encouraging description

“It’ll be a lot of fun.”

“The weather’s going to be great.”

“I’ve heard (activity idea) is awesome.”

Rationale: Focusing on the activity and the pleasure eases some of the uncertainty and pressure on the other person to say yes.

Retreat or allowing for space to decide

“Just thought I’d put it out there.”

“Only if it sounds like fun.”

“No pressure.”

“Figured it was worth asking.”

Rationale: Notice the body language to determine whether they are indecisive and not sure.  Take the pressure off to make it easier for them to agree to go out with you, or not go out with you, on this occasion.  Also taking the pressure off doesn’t lock them into never going out with you.  For example, if you suggest ice skating, they could turn you down because they don’t know how to ice skate.

Once you have the basic phrases engrained in your mind (memorized), combine for what fits your circumstance.

To be redundant, observe body language to interpret the other’s response to doing a date or activity with you. With that, you could proceed with enthusiasm in the form of advancing the idea or giving an encouraging description.  Or you could decide to go with a bit of humbleness in the form of a retreat.   Both are follow-up phrases which give the other person time and space to decide if she or he wants to go out or do an activity with you.

If rejection comes because of the activity, ask the other person what activity she/he would feel comfortable or excited about.

Be sure to watch our English Speech Tips videos and Accent Reduction Tip videos  for more English pronunciation and accent reduction exercises.